GRANT HACKETT wrote an interesting piece in his blog this week, confirming he is so fearful of catching an infection in the lead-up to the Olympics that he is wearing a face mask while around us lepers of the general public, and won't even touch handrails. He also wrote: "I can confirm I won't be participating in the Opening Ceremony of the Beijing Games. For me, it's really not worth it and even if I was offered the opportunity to carry the flag, I would say no, despite what an honour it would be. I would be standing for hours and I don't want to even take the chance of jeopardising my race chances. Because that is what I am there for!"

All of which is, of course, his right, blah, blah, blah. As it is my right, Grant, to offer you some ill-informed and churlish comment for your trouble. (It's a surprisingly good living, by the way.)

The first thing, mate, is that it is a good thing Cathy Freeman didn't take your view at the Sydney 2000 Games. What if she, offered the chance to light the torch, simply responded saying, "Thanks, but I actually don't want to stand in a pool of water at midnight for the rehearsals, or do it the following night, because it might tire me for my race?" That, too, would have been her right, but she would have missed one of the great experiences of her life. As will you, surely, if you turn down the chance of carrying the flag.

Too, there is this: just as fortune favours the brave, I reckon it punishes the precious. Face masks? Refusing to touch handrails? Who the hell are you? Michael Jackson? You have risen to your present position of pre-eminence in Australian sport because, apart from being the best in the business in your discipline, you not only weren't up yourself, but spoke out against those who were. (No names, no pack-drill.)

And we both know what the Grant Hackett of four years ago would have thought and said about an athlete who wore face masks, played no "touchies" with handrails and knocked back a chance to lead the Australian team into the Olympic arena because he thought it might tire him. That is not the spirit this country was built on, and it certainly is not the spirit that you built your great career on.

Think about it.

Yours ill-informedly, etc …

Rafa a rare one

How does Rafael Nadal know he is a champion?

Because if, in the singles final of Wimbledon, you go up against a guy called Roger Federer, a man who has won the past five of those titles straight, and his past 65 matches straight on grass; if you have him at match point after three sets but blow it then claw your way back to beat him 9-7 in the fifth set; ifJohn McEnroe says it is the best match he's ever seen; and if you've done all this when you're only 22 and now have five majors to your credit including the French and Wimbledon titles already this year, and you're as gracious in victory as Federer was in defeat … then you dinkum are a champion.

Commentators talk

A bunch of soccer supporters down Penrith way has come up with an innovative way to raise some money to help fund local 10-year-old Zedric Catley-Bond's trip to Japan in September as part of Football NSW's youth development squad. A half-hour chat with the Herald's own Mike Cockerill, plus Simon Hill, Craig Foster, Tracey Holmes and FourFourTwo magazine editor Paul Hansford is up for auction. Punters have until midnight on Friday, August 1, to place their bid for a 30-minute chat with the football identity of their choice.

Simply email your bid for the commentator of your choice to footballfundraiser@y7mail.com or try http://blaxlandfootball.com/. I'll go first. I bid $3.56 to talk to Simon Hill for half-an-hour, and $100 for Tracey Holmes's time. As for Cocko, I am available if he pays me.

Serve of our own

Following last week's item about Kiwi women being outrageously dismissive of the amorous advances of extremely deserving touring Australian sportsmen, comes news that our own women have done the right thing and kicked well into touch most Kiwi sportsmen with the audacity, the presumption, to think they might be good enough to make a pass at an Australian female. Fitzphile Barb McCarthy reports that, a few years back, she was on the spot when a pack of burly, marauding Kiwi rugger-buggers arrived at one of Sydney's city pubs. Clearly tanked and randy, they were ogling every single female with a pulse and working up the courage to actually make a play. Finally, with Dutch courage overflowing, one of the lads was seen to confidently - even if a tad wobbly on his legs - approach one winsome lass and say words to the effect of "'ow 'bout it?".

In response, our heroine, a fine upstanding rose of Australian womanhood, clearly spoke for the fairer half of our nation when she fixed him with a withering look and said - very loudly and to the huge amusement of the crowded throng- "Thanks for the invitation, but … I'd rather [engage in self-service!]"

Rugger meets porn

And speaking of the Kiwis, there was an interesting episode that occurred there last Sunday afternoon. Across the nation, families were watching the Grassroots Rugby show on Prime TV, when suddenly a hardcore porn show called Desperate Black Wives 2 came on.

The switchboard went into "meltdown", as outrage built around the country. Prime later released a deeply apologetic statement admitting that at 2:58pm, three minutes and 50 seconds of 'inappropriate material' from one of Sky's adult channels went to air, because of a "distribution fault", and that it won't happen again, etc, etc …

Now, TFF doesn't know this for a surety, but I would like to think that other Kiwis around the country were settling down to watch the famous porn film Grass Roots, and were equally appalled to see the rugby come on.

TEAM OF THE WEEK

Mark Philippoussis. The sun rose in the east this morning, August will follow July and he wants to make another comeback.

Collingwood. For some reason, the Swannies are their bunnies lately. Last week, "Eddie's Eagles" flogged them 79 to 50.

Barry Hall. What was he thinking? Just three games after a suspension for the punch of the century, he throws his elbow towards the head of a Collingwood opponent. (And a special cheerio to you, Mrs Hall. Your lad has obviously been a great player, but what was that all about?)

The Northern Storm Thunderbolts. Formerly known as the Korora Hobos, won their first over-35s soccer game in the Coffs Harbour competition since April 28, 2006. The team beat Coffs Lions

2-1 to break their 38-game losing streak. RAH!

Australian cricketers. You know you need to get out more if you can reel off even scant details of the one-day series our blokes just played against the West Indies. All I can remember is that Shane Watson did well, I think, and Ricky Ponting came home a day early because of a crook wrist.

Albert Torrens. The former NRL and Super League player has recently been doing a wonderful job as a voluntary van driver with Missionbeat, helping Sydney's homeless people. He has been particularly outstanding working with the indigenous underprivileged.

Beecroft Cherrybrook Juniors. Last Saturday, the Wallabies had five of their graduates on the field against France, in the persons of Benn Robinson, Dean Mumm, Cameron Shepherd, Lachie Turner and Ben Alexander.

NSW Under-14 boys water polo team. Beat Victoria 15-4 in the finals of the East Coast Challenge last week to be acknowledged as the best junior team in the country.

WHAT THEY SAID

Sper Vega, the Parramatta fan who yelled out to Penrith captain Petero Civoniceva that he was "a f---ing monkey" and he should "get back in your tree", causing a great deal of outrage: "My comment regarding the word 'monkey' was not meant as a racial slur … [but] I can understand how Petero may have taken the comment the wrong way." Up there for the quote of the year.

Petero Civoniceva on racist comments he received while playing Parramatta: "I turned around and thought 'These blokes can't be serious'. They were saying, 'You're a monkey, why don't you get back in your tree'. That's why I took offence to it. I can get over being called 'You black so and so'. I have heard that since I was a kid playing footy."

Sports marketing expert Howard Bragman speaks of how New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez's rumoured affair with Madonna will likely affect A-Rod's "branding": "Wife-beating would hurt him, under-age girls would hurt him, a gay lover would hurt him, but run-of-the-mill affairs - that's a non-issue in American life. We just don't hold affairs against people anymore." Unless, of course, your last name is Clinton, and your first name is Bill.

Richard Williams on not watching his daughters, Venus and Serena play in the Wimbledon final: "If your kids got into a fight with each other, could you stand to watch that? That's the way I feel."

Tennis journalist to Serena after the match: "You don't look happy at all." Serena's reply: "I don't? I wonder why."

Channel 7's Dan Crowley responds to Gordon Bray's comment, during last week's France v Australia Test, that the French call Sebastian Chabal the "hairy donkey" because of the clumsy English pronunciation of his name: "I hope that's the reason."

All Blacks assistant coach Steve Hansen: "You can't replace a Richard McCaw, he's such a great player. Everyone has to take part of his shoes and fill it up." Dammit, where is Julian O'Neill when we need him? Can't we send him over to New Zealand and ask him to do to McCaw's shoe what he did once so famously did to Schlossy's shoe?

Though born in Australia (before leaving at 18 months of age), 14-year-old Laura Robson is the newest British sporting sensation after winning the Wimbledon junior girls' title. In her press conference she was asked by an Australian reporter if she felt Australian and replied: "No, not really." Wild applause from the British media.

Scott Styris to former teammate-turned-scribe Mark Richardson, after the latter wrote a column criticising the former: "We hope you die choking on your own shit that you speak." Yes, yes, yes, Mrs Lincoln, but apart from THAT, how did you enjoy the play?

Bob Fulton returns serve to Bill Harrigan after Harrigan made some comments about him in a column that he viewed dimly: "I'm not in the practice of putting a .303 [bullet] into a carcass, but in Bill's case I'll make an exception. Bill Harrigan is a highly paid employee of the NRL and for him to come out and say what he said in relation to the biff is highly irresponsible. He's not accountable, he's a loose cannon and he needs to have his coat pulled by David Gallop."Jeff Fenech, responds to Warwick Capper's suggestions that they have a fight: "On the subject of Warwick Capper, let me just say that I don't hit girls, even big ones like him."